A mouth full of chocolate.

August 21st 2014

So this morning was my second day. You would think I would be pumped and good to go, well I was but only in spirit. I slept poorly and greeted the dawn to a chorus of ‘Im hungry mum!’. I stumbled out of bed and went straight to the fridge. Without even really thinking about it I spied a packet of cooking chocolate, I grabbed a few popped them in my mouth and shut the fridge. Three chews in and a light bulb came on ‘What am I doing?’. I spat the chocolate in the sink and rinsed my mouth.

Now I stop here to explain that the chocolate was not the problem, I didn’t spit it out because I’m not allowing myself to eat it or even for any weight loss reason. I spat it out because I became aware of what I was doing. Till that moment reaching for the chocolate and putting in my mouth was like breathing, I did not even think about it. I never really think about what I eat, I just eat and I eat fast. If I’m going to break this cycle that is slowly killing me I see awareness as my starting point.

So this morning I caught myself and I was proud that I did. It represents the start of the change process.

After this I was still caught in a bit of dangerous self talk (my mind does this a lot). The ‘Voice’ was in fine form ‘Jesus look at you, what a pig!’, ‘God you’re hopeless, what an ugly fat slob’ etc etc. At this point I checked in with the 12WBT 30+ crew on Stalkbook and saw a post that changed my morning. A person who has even more issues in their path then I do posted about the day by day changes they are making to improve their health. Everyday is a battle yet they ‘break down and break through’ as Mish says. Well that did it, on went the shoes and away I went on my treadmill. It was 21 mins today, a minute up from yesterday, and 1.3 km which was .2 more then yesterday. I JFDI! I broke down and broke through 3 of my hurdles this morning, and it felt good!