A mouth full of chocolate.

August 21st 2014

So this morning was my second day. You would think I would be pumped and good to go, well I was but only in spirit. I slept poorly and greeted the dawn to a chorus of ‘Im hungry mum!’. I stumbled out of bed and went straight to the fridge. Without even really thinking about it I spied a packet of cooking chocolate, I grabbed a few popped them in my mouth and shut the fridge. Three chews in and a light bulb came on ‘What am I doing?’. I spat the chocolate in the sink and rinsed my mouth.

Now I stop here to explain that the chocolate was not the problem, I didn’t spit it out because I’m not allowing myself to eat it or even for any weight loss reason. I spat it out because I became aware of what I was doing. Till that moment reaching for the chocolate and putting in my mouth was like breathing, I did not even think about it. I never really think about what I eat, I just eat and I eat fast. If I’m going to break this cycle that is slowly killing me I see awareness as my starting point.

So this morning I caught myself and I was proud that I did. It represents the start of the change process.

After this I was still caught in a bit of dangerous self talk (my mind does this a lot). The ‘Voice’ was in fine form ‘Jesus look at you, what a pig!’, ‘God you’re hopeless, what an ugly fat slob’ etc etc. At this point I checked in with the 12WBT 30+ crew on Stalkbook and saw a post that changed my morning. A person who has even more issues in their path then I do posted about the day by day changes they are making to improve their health. Everyday is a battle yet they ‘break down and break through’ as Mish says. Well that did it, on went the shoes and away I went on my treadmill. It was 21 mins today, a minute up from yesterday, and 1.3 km which was .2 more then yesterday. I JFDI! I broke down and broke through 3 of my hurdles this morning, and it felt good!

 

And we are off!

August 20th 2014

So my first post is on my first day of pre-season. For those curious I am doing the 12 Week Body Transformation with Michelle Bridges. 12 weeks of healthy eating and moving to improve my health and my weight.

I have ummed and arred a lot about just how honest I want to be. I don’t share my weight with others because I am so ashamed by it but for the sake of accountability to myself I am going to. I need to keep my poor health at the front of my mind so I don’t brush it off and pretend like nothing is wrong with me, because it is. So this morning I weighed in at 172 kg. The heaviest I have ever been. I did not even weight close to this much while pregnant. In fact with my second pregnancy I maxed out at 126kg.

I started today with breakfast, not a common thing for me but an important change I am making. I had one egg scrambled on bread with a cup of tea (no sugar). After this I then lasted 20 min of walking on my treadmill. This left me feeling like crap. My head hurt and my legs ached, but I did it.

Im about to have lunch now which is an a delicious red lentil dahl I made in my thermomix. I left out coconut milk and used stock instead and am cutting back on the salt, trying lemon juice for added flavour instead. I will end my first post on my first day with a teaser pic of the dahl……it tastes as good as it looks :)

Delish!